A Note on Etiquette and Small Group Work at CHS

Generally, the pandemic has everyone short of nerve, and easily annoyed.  The stress factor is obviously carried from the personal to group behavior.  As pastor, I am asking for additional effort be expended to ensure we establish and maintain a gracious gathering across the many small groups that take place.  On top of the COVID factor, there is the challenge of an internet environment under which we exist in small groups which subject us to further risk of disharmony and disaffection.
 
General ethos:
1.     Our small groups do not gather to group think.  It is not our goal to agree.  The natural  tendency in these conflictual times is to long for agreement and to be annoyed should that not occur.  Be reminded that our goal is simply to share and listen.  Then we move along, without anxiety, should the conservation reach a dead end. “OK then. What’s next?” is a helpful mantra. 
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2.     If we are not agreed with, there is no reason to take it personally.  That would be unhelpful.  Humans can disagree without being disagreeable.  A lighthearted, taking -ourselves-less-seriously approach is the only approach.  On this, you should all agree (kidding)!
 
Tech Considerations:

1.   Zoom meetings are deeply flawed.  It takes work to be gracious and Zoom makes it easy to be rude.  Rudeness happens when we fail to mute ourselves when not talking.  We should practice muting regularly. There is no reason to have an open mic.  Muting ourselves is a gracious and spiritual task.  Think of it as an important pause to collect your thoughts.  It might make our sharing more meaningful.  For those who enjoy more spontaneous conversation, we shall have to modify our behavior in this environment and see if we find  some benefit through the discomfort of it all.
   
   
2.   It is easy to talk over each other, or to suffer through awkward pauses, etc.  If we intend to pass the conversation off to one person, we need to declare it explicitly.  On the other hand, if it is an open question to the whole group, then we should allow for folks to jumble along and it will eventually clear up.  Asking someone else, “Sorry if I jumped in, did you finish your point?” is good etiquette.   If you get offended because someone talked over you, that would be taking it personally and that won’t help.  Better to chime in later,   “I wanted to finish by adding  . . .” and express yourself. 

 
Generally:
 
It takes intentionality to be gracious, forbearing other’s verbal and technical trespassing, and being present to a group through the flawed medium of internet communications.  Intentional graciousness, happily enough, is a charism well known and practiced among us already.  We just need to dial it up.                                    

​ Philip+

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